By Joseph Catena
With just two weeks after the election and our emotions leveled, now is a great time to analyze the results with a more critical eye and a clearer head. It is even more fun to do it in the form of awards.
The Captain Obvious Biggest Winner of the Night Award went to Donald Trump. We can go on for chapters about the magnitude of his reelection. It is the greatest comeback in political history, bar none. He was a force of nature like no other. The Red Wave of ’24 gave Republicans several other major high-profile victories. The Dynamic Newcomers Award goes to Dave McCormick in Pennsylvania and Bernie Moreno in Ohio, who along with Jim Justice of West Virginia, and Tim Sheehy of Montana, will give the G.O.P. 53 members once the Senate reconvenes. Others who did not run for office, but were just nominated for Cabinet positions, specifically Tulsi Gabbard and RFK Jr., a former Democrat and a renegade Democrat respectively, scored quite well. They went from party outcasts to welcome guests, thanks to Trump. They both received the post-election Welcome to the Party Award.
But there were several other big winners who did not receive the accolades they should have.
One of those victors was Texas Senator Ted Cruz, who gets the Unsung Winner of the Night Award. Cruz has been the mighty white whale in the U.S. Senate whom Democrats have had in their scope for his last two elections. In 2018, Cruz was heavily outspent by Robert Francis “Beto” O’Rourke. The offbeat O’Rourke came within 3 percentage points of winning. Democrats had visions of Texas turning purple, and they funded tens of millions of dollars into Cruz’s 2024 challenger, Collin Allred. Polls showed the race to be close, some even having Allred down by a mere point. Cruz was steadfast in standing for the conservative principles he has represented Texas with since 2012. On Election Night, Allred was repudiated by the electorate. Cruz netted nearly a million more votes and won easily by 8.5 percent.
New Hampshire has not been kind to Republican presidential candidates. Trump lost the state for the third time in 2024, albeit by 3 points. Moderate outgoing Gov. Chris Sununu, a Nikki Haley supporter in the primaries, was quite popular in The Granite State. That leads us to the Comeback Kid Award winner Kelly Ayotte. Ayotte, a former U.S. Senator, lost her seat in 2016 to Maggie Hassan by a razor-thin margin. Not only did she lose her seat, she also took umbrage with some of Trump’s rhetoric, withdrew her endorsement of him and wrote in Mike Pence for president. She endorsed Trump this time around and let it ride. New Hampshire voters split their ticket, and Ayotte stormed back onto the political scene, as she won by 9 points.
Another low-key winner was Speaker of the House Mike Johnson, who gets the Stay the Course Award. Throughout the campaign season, Johnson was a steady, unflappable presence, who preached the importance of not only getting Trump elected, but keeping control of the House. The Republicans not only kept the House, but they may actually increase their margin when the remainder of the races are decided. Unlike the House Republicans of 2016 led by Paul Ryan, the 2024 brand will be far more MAGA. Ryan and Trump had a tattered relationship, and the 45th president received resistance. Johnson’s gang will provide far more green lights to pave the path for the soon-to-be 47th president’s agenda.
Accompanying winners are losers, and there were plenty of awards to go around on that side. While Kamala Harris nabbed the Worst Candidate Ever Award, pollster J. Ann Selzer, president of Selzer and Co., may go down in infamy for the worst poll ever told. Days before the election, Selzer revealed an early November surprise. Her poll showed Harris winning the Hawkeye State, 47% to 44%. “It’s hard for anybody to say they saw this coming,” Selzer said. “She has clearly leaped into a leading position.” The reason nobody saw it coming is because it never came! Trump crushed Harris by 13 points. One may wonder if Selzer’s poll was concentrated in the counties of Polk, Story, Linn, Johnson, and Black Hawk. Harris won each one of them, some close, some not.
Other than the 5 aforementioned counties, Harris lost the remaining 94. Pencil Selzer in for the What the Hell Was I Saying Award.
Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer, two major capos in the Democrat mafia who made Old Joey Blue Eyes an offer he couldn’t refuse, are under a heap of political rubble. They ousted Biden, boosted Harris, and promoted the vile woke agenda. Schumer will go from the majority leader to the minority leader, and Pelosi is being asked by some in her party to “take a back seat.” Both were detrimental to the process and the campaign itself. The duo earned the Capo to Crapo Award.
Tim Walz was supposed to be Kamala Harris’ bridge to White males and men in general. Surely, (assistant) Coach Tim and his folksy, midwestern approach, along with his love of hunting would automatically get the dudes on board.
He barely brought her Minnesota.
Walz’s goofy antics, including his bowing, double-hand waves and odd rhetoric did not help the Democrats’ cause. Lying about his military record and timeline in China added to their woes. His putrid debate performance against J.D. Vance sealed his fate. The Minnesota governor will go down among the worst vice presidential candidates in history. Walz easily received the Weird, Wacky and Woeful Award.
The final Election Night awards go to Democrats, namely Joe Biden and the Obamas. The Obamas, whose lecturing to men about whom they should vote for and why abortion should be the central focus of everyone’s life, fell flat. Their message was rejected outright, and they suddenly looked like yesterday’s teen idols gone awry. They earned the Two Dozen Eggs on Our Faces Awards. Barack and Michelle never looked this bad. Biden actually comes out on the positive end of this. His miserably failed presidency and woeful record were afterthoughts, thanks to Trump’s victory. When he was allowed to appear on the trail, he rambled on and called Trump supporters “garbage.” Was it sabotage? Who knows? What we do know is on Election Day, Jill Biden sported MAGA-red apparel into the voting booth, and the day after the election, Biden was bright eyed and glowing when he addressed the media. And that smile stayed with him days later during his luncheon with President-elect Trump. Maybe Old Joe wasn’t so far gone, maybe the elderly rascal felt a huge sense of relief. For that, Mr. Biden wins the Unburdened By What Has Been Award.
For Americans who get up and go to work each day to raise their families, they too can share that award. And from the looks of it, the unburdening has already begun.